This past Friday my abuela passed away. She had recently gotten very ill and her condition quickly deteriorated, it was not expected. Primarily because everyone has been so concerned with the health of my abuelo that we assumed she was in relatively good health. She passed away around midday Friday, it  was her 61st wedding anniversary.

 I don’t think it has fully set in, in fact it feels surreal. When I got to my abuelo’s house she wasn’t here as she was has been to welcome me. She would always be up it didn’t matter at what hour we arrived. And while all the aunts and uncles are here, it feels almost like a christmas from my childhood, only this time we are hugging each other not to celebrate the new year but to help each other keep moving on. Where we put our shoes for los santo reyes there are flowers from loved ones in memory of my abuela. We sit down at the table and abuela doesn’t sit in her chair and catch up with everyone.

I already miss the long chats and hearing her tell stories about my dad and uncles when they were young. This past summer seemed to be exceptionally full of them. She talked about everything, I know wonder if she somehow knew. I wish I had gotten to spend more time with her, but I know thats how we are all feeling, yet she would have been the first to tell us not to worry about coming if it wasn’t possible.
I know we are all going to miss her in our own way and I am aware that she was in a lot of pain and she can now find peace. I know with time it will get easier, I still have the memories of us going to see the monarchs, Vallarta and her cooking. I’m extremely grateful that I go to know her so well, and that my parents made sure to get me down to Mexico as frequently as possible.

Photos courtesy of Nina.